Jon continued haltingly. "I've come to realize that some of the things I said after Dougie died were ... were very unfair and unkind. I was devastated by what happened—as you were. So I guess I had to find ... to find a reason for what happened. I was too proud to shoulder any blame. Since I couldn't allow Dougie's death to be my fault, it ... well, I had to make it your fault."