Why Suicide? Part 2

What problems are behind the signs of suicide? What prompts a student to consider suicide? Family disruption and depression were noted in the previous blog. Here are more signs that may be at the root of your friend's disturbing behavior.

Escape
Does your friend seem to feel trapped in a seemingly hopeless situation? Suicide is often viewed by students as an escape from despair, pain, punishment, humiliation, or simply the weight of mental and emotional burdens.

Loss
Has your friend suffered the tragic loss of a parent, close friend or loved one? Sean said that Kevin was disturbed over the recent death of a friend. Suicide may be regarded as a way to escape the seemingly unbearable sorrow and grief of such a loss.

Guilt
Is your friend burdened with guilt over something he or she has done? Suicide is sometimes entertained as the ultimate punishment for what the person considers to be an unforgivable act. (To be continued.)

Don’t Suffer Alone

People receive comfort when we feel their hurt and sorrow with them. Jesus illustrated the ministry of comfort when His friend Lazarus died (see John II). When Jesus arrived at the home of Lazarus' sisters, Mary and Martha, He wept with them (see vv. 33-35). His response is especially interesting in light of what He did next: raise Lazarus from the dead (see vv. 38-44).
Why didn't Jesus simply tell the grieving Mary and Martha, "No need to cry, my friends, because in a few minutes Lazarus will be alive again"? Because at that moment they needed someone to identify with their sorrow. Jesus met Mary's and Martha's need for comfort by sharing in their sorrow and tears. Later He performed the miracle that turned their sorrows to joy.

Hurting people receive comfort when they know they are not suffering alone. Paul instructed us, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn" (Rom. 12:15). Others may try to comfort their friend by cheering them up, urging them to be strong, or explaining the causes of their suicidal thoughts. These people may care about their friend and mean well by their words but they may not know what comfort sounds like. Comfort is found in identifying with them emotionally. Share in their hurts and struggles. Offer a gentle touch, an appropriate embrace, or a shoulder to cry on. Share words like, "I know it hurts," "I'm so sorry you have to go through this," "I really hurt for you." Save your words of advice or admonitions from Scripture until you have identified with your friend's feelings. That's biblical comfort.

Comfort Your Hurting Friend

A suicidal person’s primary need in the midst of emotional pain and loneliness is comfort. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). Mourning is the process of getting the inner hurt out. As the person admits how sad he feels, try to share in that pain too. According to Jesus' words, when you comfort a friend, they are "blessed." Comfort is God's design for blessing those who hurt and for beginning to heal the deep pain of being alone and feeling hopeless.

In the midst of trouble, anxiety and thoughts of suicide, your friend's greatest comfort will come when you share his or her hurt and sorrow. One major way God shares His comfort with others is through us. The apostle Paul wrote, "God ... comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God" (2 Cor. 1:3-4). Comfort is not a "pep talk" urging your friend to hang in there, to tough it out, or to hold it together. Comfort is not an attempt to explain why things happen to people. Comfort is not a bunch of positive words about God being in control and everything being okay. All of these things may be good and useful in time, but they do not fill the primary need for comfort.

Why Suicide? Part 1

What problems are behind the signs of suicide? What prompts a student to consider suicide? Here are several situations that may cause a person to think dying is preferable to living. One or more may be at the root of your friend's disturbing behavior.

Family disruption

How is your friend's family life? Is he or she suffering from a sense of alienation or parental rejection? Are their parents fighting? Are any siblings moving away? The stress and loneliness which accompany divorce or separation, a drastic move, or ongoing family conflict may trigger thoughts of suicide.

Depression

Does your friend seem to be depressed most of the time? Clinical depression is an illness that often prevents people from seeing a way out of problems. Without professional treatment, victims of depression may see suicide as their only alternative. (to be continued)

The Signs of Suicide

Have you noticed disturbing behavior in a friend and think there’s a chance that he or she is thinking about suicide? There are three degrees of severity when discussing suicide. (See previous blog for points one and two.)

1. Call 911 if someone actually attempts suicide.
2. Get your friend to a trusted adult or professional if he or she is seriously contemplating suicide.
3. There are kids who have passing thoughts about suicide

This may be your concern for your friend. He or she may exhibit certain symptoms of suicidal thinking. If you can answer yes to any of the following questions, your friend may be on the threshold of seriously contemplating suicide:

1. Does your friend have an unhealthy fascination with death - talking about death, asking questions about death, listening to music or watching videos related to death or dying?

2. Is your friend giving away possessions, cleaning out his or her locker at school, or doing other things that suggest he or she is preparing for death?

3. Is your friend depressed most of the time?

4. Has your friend exhibited sudden changes in behavior, such as acting out or becoming violent?

5. Is your friend often moody or withdrawn?

6. Does your friend want to sleep all the time, or does he or she complain about not being able to sleep?

7. Is your friend often fatigued?

8. Does your friend take dangerous risks, such as driving recklessly or playing with knives or guns?

While these conditions do not necessarily mean that your friend is about to commit suicide, they may indicate that he or she is thinking about it as a way out. You are wise to share your concerns with your youth leader, minister or parent, and discuss what to do. Now is the time to respond proactively.

Suicide—Attempt, Threaten, Passing Thoughts

Perhaps you have noticed disturbing behavior in a friend. You can't quite put your finger on the problem, but you find yourself wondering if your friend is thinking about suicide. Your concern is worth considering, because suicide is the second leading cause of death among students today. Research confirms that a staggering sixty-five hundred teenagers die each year at their own hands - that's one every hour and twenty minutes! If your friend is exhibiting potentially suicidal behavior, now is the time to do something to make sure he or she does not follow through with that impulse. There are three degrees of severity when discussing suicide.

1. There are kids who actually attempt suicide.
If you happen to be around when someone attempts to take his or her own life, you have only one response: Call the emergency services (911 in the U.S., 999 in the U.K.). If you can't do that, find a responsible adult, and get the person to an emergency room or mental-health hospital immediately. This person needs professional help to prevent him or her from making another attempt.

2. There are kids who threaten or seriously contemplate suicide.
If you discover a suicide note or learn that a friend is seriously thinking about suicide, you must act to intervene. Contact a youth leader, minister or parent - someone who can get your friend to a Christian counseling professional. Do not leave your friend alone until he or she is in the care of a responsible adult. Threats of suicide must be regarded as potential attempts. (To be continued.)

Seeing Yourself As God Sees You—Part 2

Doug, Sean, and Kevin continued their Bible study. Doug said, “2 Corinthians 5:19 says that God has entrusted us with the ministry of evangelism. Isn't it amazing that God trusts imperfect people like us to bring others to Him!" “I never thought about it that way,” Kevin said with his eyebrows arched in amazement. Doug focused on Kevin, “How does it make you feel, knowing that our perfect, all- powerful God sees you as lovable, valuable, and useful?” Kevin considered the question for several seconds. Then he answered, "Part of me feels like God hasn't taken a very close look at me, because I don't see myself as lovable or valuable or useful to Him. But another part of me feels kind of honored that He sees me this way." Then Doug said, "Kevin, God doesn't make mistakes, and He doesn't have a vision problem. If He sees you as lovable, valuable and useful - and the Bible says that He does - then that's what you are. Right?" Kevin smiled and shrugged. "Right."

Doug continued, talking to both boys, "I believe that God wants us to see ourselves as He sees us. That's how we gain the confidence to deal with the hard things in our lives. If we know that God loves us, values us and desires to use us, we can get through anything." Kevin was suddenly sober. "Even the breakup of a family? Even the horrible death of a close friend?" Doug reached out and touched his arm. "What do you think, Kevin?" he responded, his face full of understanding. Kevin studied the kind faces of his friend and his youth leader. "Yes" he said at last, "I think God can help me get through these things. I guess that running away from my problems is a bad idea if God thinks I’m okay.” "I think you're exactly right, Kevin," Doug responded. "God thinks you're okay, and so do we.”