Thursday, July 9, 2009

Fear of Rejection

The following young woman wrote to tell me how fear had affected her view of sex:

The basic human emotion involved in my sexual explorations was fear--fear of not knowing something (or anything), fear of missing out on the “fun,” fear of getting old, and fear of commitment. I was afraid--afraid that all the excitement in life was passing by my door, afraid that, should I get married, I would end up getting divorced because I wouldn’t know what I was doing in bed. I surely didn’t want a divorce! And there was a desire to go along with the crowd so I wouldn’t feel left out and strange when the conversation turned to sex.

But most of all, at the gut level, there was a desire for intimacy, a desire for marriage, a desire for commitment, a desire for fulfillment, and a desire to hear the words “I accept you.” But the fears arose. What if none of these needs was met? Frustration set in. In an attempt to find fulfillment and acceptance, “rolling into and out of bed” became a common pattern for me, a balm to cover my fears. Fulfillment took the scope of a few hours instead of what I had imagined—a lifetime.

Those who “give sex” out of fear of rejection are trying to buy security with their bodies and self-esteem, a price God never intended anyone to pay. They need to turn to Christ and to His truth to find where real security lies. They need to begin seeing themselves through God’s eyes.

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