Searching for Security

Our needs are compounded by the breakdown of the family. God intends for our inner needs to be met by Him first, then by other people. In times past, even without a relationship with God, people could find relative security and significance within the family. They had at least one place where they could be themselves and not have to perform.

But that is not true in most cases today. Rather than being a haven from the world, for many teens the family setting is a place of discord and unrest, a place where spouses are put on a performance basis, knowing they will be discarded if they do not continually please the other. Any element of security the family may have held is removed, since people within the family are not loved for who they are, but rather for how they perform. Kids growing up in that kind of environment lack acceptance and security which leaves them with an unhealthy sense of worthlessness. They don’t feel free to be themselves. They believe that if they were, no one would like them.

People feel vulnerable because of poor self-images: they feel they’re not pretty, too short, too tall or not fully developed. They feel there is something wrong with them if their parents are divorced or because they are adopted. Some adolescents even feel vulnerable because they haven’t had intercourse or because they think it’s wrong to feel sexual. Their security is gone and their firm foundation is gone, because the safe haven of their family has been corrupted with performance-based love.