Children can grow up desiring to love their parents, but still not feel secure in the relationship. Often in order to get the love of their parents, they fall into the “flight syndrome.” That is, they put themselves on a performance basis for their parents’ love, and when they do something they think won’t be pleasing, they cover it up. They run from honesty. They are afraid that their shortcoming will lead to rejection.
This can happen when well-meaning children try to please Mom and Dad, but it has a stifling effect. Open communication is blocked when the children think that honesty will lead to parental disappointment. They may cease trying new things for fear of failure. They may stop taking risks to stretch their horizons. These kids then enter their teenage years equating love and performance. When they say, “If you love me, you’ll have sex with me,” they are only keeping in line with their own distorted definition of performance-based love.
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