A Skeptic’s Quest – My Testimony Part 15

I want to just share with you one area that changed in my life after I came to the point where the Holy Spirit led me to place my trust in Jesus as Savior and Lord. It’s an area that is not easy for me to share, because there was a lot of deep pain in it. But I want to put into context what I am going to share, and I want you to understand this. Jesus has dealt with the pain of the memory, but I still have the memory of the pain. Does that make sense to you? Christ has dealt with the pain that I experienced and is still dealing with it in my life, but I hope I will always have the memory of the pain. Do you know why? It’s a constant reminder of how great my God is and how He forgives and heals and cleanses.

The area which I want to share with you deals with hatred, bitterness, and resentment. I had a lot of hate in my life, but there was one man that I hated more than anyone else in the whole world, and I hated his guts. I can remember when I was 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 years old, lying awake at night in bed plotting this man’s death. How could I kill him without being caught by the police? That man I hated so much was my father. Because growing up in a little tiny town, to me, he was the town drunk. I hardly ever knew him sober until I was twenty years old. I would go to high school and my friends would make jokes about my father downtown in the gutter making a fool of himself. You see, they did not think it bothered me. Because I am like some of you, I would laugh with them on the outside but oh, let me tell you, every time they told a joke about my dad, it hurt on the inside. But I never let anyone know. That was my secret.