Just as pills can temporarily deaden physical pain, sensory experiences can temporarily deaden emotional pain. That’s why many people turn to alcohol, drugs, overeating, or sex when they are upset, depressed, or lonely. The sensory high masks the emotional low—but only for a brief time. Our culture has generalized this response by glorifying sensory experience. People say, “If it feels good, do it” or “It can’t be wrong if it feels so right.” Ernest Hemingway said it this way: “What is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.”[i]
Our kids have picked up this fascination with physical pleasure in our culture. It’s one of the reasons they are not waiting for sex until marriage. In an attempt to soothe the pain in their lives—conflicts with parents and peers, school pressures, the struggle to find their identity—they turn to anything that brings them physical pleasure: alcohol, drugs, food, sex. If it feels good, they go for it, sometimes at great expense to their moral principles and welfare or happiness of others.
[i] Lowen, Alexander, M.D. Love and Orgasm. New York: Macmillan Publishing Company, 1975, pp. 317‑318.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Our Desires
Humankind in its fallen state does not love God. Some of us respond to God’s love in the course of our lives, but it is still a struggle to maintain our love for Him or our neighbor, because we are so busy loving ourselves. And this consuming self-love moves us to seek out pleasure to deaden the pain of life either rationally according to God’s truth or irrationally according to our own desires.
One of our God-given desires is for intimacy. Genesis 2 tells us that man was created to be intimate with other human beings as well as with God. We feel emotional pain when that desire for intimacy is not met, and self-love drives us to alleviate that pain in some way. But instead of finding God’s solution, we often look to our physical senses for relief. It is irrational to attempt to eliminate emotional pain through the physical senses. It’s like taking pain medication to fix a broken bone instead of going to the hospital to get the bone set. The pills will block the pain for a while, but when they wear off, your arm is still broken because pills don’t mend broken bones.
One of our God-given desires is for intimacy. Genesis 2 tells us that man was created to be intimate with other human beings as well as with God. We feel emotional pain when that desire for intimacy is not met, and self-love drives us to alleviate that pain in some way. But instead of finding God’s solution, we often look to our physical senses for relief. It is irrational to attempt to eliminate emotional pain through the physical senses. It’s like taking pain medication to fix a broken bone instead of going to the hospital to get the bone set. The pills will block the pain for a while, but when they wear off, your arm is still broken because pills don’t mend broken bones.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Alcohol and Drugs: Weakening the Defenses Against Premarital Sex
People under the influence of alcohol or drugs do things they may not do when thinking and acting rationally. They lose a measure of control over their actions, because they lose the ability to think clearly and make appropriate decisions. A person under the influence may even violate his own values because his thinking is confused and his judgment is blurred. People frequently step over the line sexually when drunk or high on drugs--something they would not do when sober.
This is also true of forced sex. A large number of cases of date-rape—or rape by a friend, boyfriend, or acquaintance—are also influenced by the use of alcohol and drugs. Linda Fairstein, sex-crimes prosecutor in Manhattan and author of Sexual Violence: Our War Against Rape, says, “Drink—the abuse of it, the abuses that occur because of it—is key. In up to 70 percent of acquaintance rapes, alcohol plays a role. And because alcohol poses such a powerful problem, it is the rule at almost every school (and the law in most states) that ‘[sexual] consent is not meaningful’ if given while under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or prescription medication.”[i] In other words, you could be charged with sexual assault if he or she says “yes” to sex but is under the influence—even if it wasn’t your fault that the person became intoxicated.
[i] Crichton, Sarah. “Sexual Correctness: Has it gone too far?” Newsweek, October 25, 1993, p. 4.
[1] Crichton, Sarah. “Sexual Correctness: Has it gone too far?” Newsweek, October 25, 1993, p. 4.
This is also true of forced sex. A large number of cases of date-rape—or rape by a friend, boyfriend, or acquaintance—are also influenced by the use of alcohol and drugs. Linda Fairstein, sex-crimes prosecutor in Manhattan and author of Sexual Violence: Our War Against Rape, says, “Drink—the abuse of it, the abuses that occur because of it—is key. In up to 70 percent of acquaintance rapes, alcohol plays a role. And because alcohol poses such a powerful problem, it is the rule at almost every school (and the law in most states) that ‘[sexual] consent is not meaningful’ if given while under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or prescription medication.”[i] In other words, you could be charged with sexual assault if he or she says “yes” to sex but is under the influence—even if it wasn’t your fault that the person became intoxicated.
[i] Crichton, Sarah. “Sexual Correctness: Has it gone too far?” Newsweek, October 25, 1993, p. 4.
[1] Crichton, Sarah. “Sexual Correctness: Has it gone too far?” Newsweek, October 25, 1993, p. 4.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Will Anyone Love Me?
After a meeting with a group of high school students in Orlando, Florida, I was approached by a big, husky, handsome young man whom I’ll call Jed who had joined the marines. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. “I got so lonely in the Marines,” Jed said, “that when I met this girl, I went to bed with her. I’m a Christian. I know Christ personally, and it’s the only time in my life I’ve done something like that. She gave me herpes.” Then Jed’s tears really began to flow. “Josh,” he said, “will anyone ever love me?”
My heart was broken for this young man. Jed will pay a heavy price for his moral failure. He will have to deal with his disease for the rest of his life. He may end up living a single, celibate lifestyle for fear of infecting a potential wife. He may miss out on the joys of being a father and grandfather. His one moment of weakness may lead to physical, emotional, and relational bankruptcy.
What if Jed had been one of your children or one of the young people in your church, youth group, or classroom? What would you have done or what would you have given to prevent him from paying the high cost of premarital sex? It may be too late for Jed, although God has forgiven him and can still use him. But it’s not too late for many of your young people. You can save them from the high cost of promiscuity by helping them wait for sex until marriage.
My heart was broken for this young man. Jed will pay a heavy price for his moral failure. He will have to deal with his disease for the rest of his life. He may end up living a single, celibate lifestyle for fear of infecting a potential wife. He may miss out on the joys of being a father and grandfather. His one moment of weakness may lead to physical, emotional, and relational bankruptcy.
What if Jed had been one of your children or one of the young people in your church, youth group, or classroom? What would you have done or what would you have given to prevent him from paying the high cost of premarital sex? It may be too late for Jed, although God has forgiven him and can still use him. But it’s not too late for many of your young people. You can save them from the high cost of promiscuity by helping them wait for sex until marriage.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Not an Innocent Act
God said long ago that illicit sex carries potentially widespread and horrendous physical, social, political, economical, emotional, and moral implications. And yet, if you study history, you will find that it was not primarily religious groups like the Puritans who originated legislation to regulate the sexual activities of a given culture. It was often secular governments who had enough common sense to realize that casual sex is not an innocent private act but rather an act with appalling public consequences and costs.
The only certain way for our young people to avoid the high cost of sexually transmitted diseases and out-of-wedlock pregnancy is for a monogamous man to enter into a monogamous relationship with a monogamous woman. Monogamy is the only way to keep sex truly private. And it is the only sure way to eliminate the high cost of casual sex to those who practice it, their children, and society at large. Only in the context of a marriage commitment—“for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live”—can sex between two individuals even come close to being considered a private act.
The only certain way for our young people to avoid the high cost of sexually transmitted diseases and out-of-wedlock pregnancy is for a monogamous man to enter into a monogamous relationship with a monogamous woman. Monogamy is the only way to keep sex truly private. And it is the only sure way to eliminate the high cost of casual sex to those who practice it, their children, and society at large. Only in the context of a marriage commitment—“for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live”—can sex between two individuals even come close to being considered a private act.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
The Cost of Affairs
Think of the implications within a marriage if the husband has an extramarital affair. What if he repents and goes back to his wife? She could become frigid because of legitimate fear: “If I have sex with my husband now, it’s as if I’m having sex with that woman he had sex with—plus everyone she’s had sex with for the last seven to eight years.” When we break God’s loving commandments, the cost to us can be staggering.
A businessman approached me recently and explained that he had been having an affair with several women. When his wife found out, she was deeply hurt and angry. So to get back at him, she had sex with their neighbor. That man gave her herpes, and then she passed the disease on to her husband. He was devastated and was painfully aware that he was paying a high price for his sin.
A businessman approached me recently and explained that he had been having an affair with several women. When his wife found out, she was deeply hurt and angry. So to get back at him, she had sex with their neighbor. That man gave her herpes, and then she passed the disease on to her husband. He was devastated and was painfully aware that he was paying a high price for his sin.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
When Sex Isn’t Private
Sex at public expense in not a private act. It is no longer private when people who practice casual sex behind closed doors come out and demand that the government spend billions of dollars on AIDS research. It is no longer private when teenagers who become pregnant behind closed doors pass the costs of those children on to taxpayers.
Even worse, sex is no longer private when one or both partners contract a sexually transmitted disease which is then passed on to others in subsequent “private acts.” And many times these partners are unaware that they are carrying, transmitting, and/or receiving a potentially incurable disease. Even an honest answer from a sex partner about sexually transmitted diseases—“Me? No, I’m not infected”—is no guarantee of safety. While dormant in one person, an STD can be transmitted to another.
Since the private act of sex has become so tainted, we who are parents are faced with a grim task. We must explain to our children that they cannot have peace of mind on their wedding night (or afterward) unless they know the detailed sexual history of the persons they marry. It wasn’t easy telling that to my three daughters and my son. But I had to tell them.
Even worse, sex is no longer private when one or both partners contract a sexually transmitted disease which is then passed on to others in subsequent “private acts.” And many times these partners are unaware that they are carrying, transmitting, and/or receiving a potentially incurable disease. Even an honest answer from a sex partner about sexually transmitted diseases—“Me? No, I’m not infected”—is no guarantee of safety. While dormant in one person, an STD can be transmitted to another.
Since the private act of sex has become so tainted, we who are parents are faced with a grim task. We must explain to our children that they cannot have peace of mind on their wedding night (or afterward) unless they know the detailed sexual history of the persons they marry. It wasn’t easy telling that to my three daughters and my son. But I had to tell them.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The Cost of a “Private Act”
According to many, sex is a private act between two individuals. And anything that happens behind closed doors is nobody else’s business. No one has the right to tell other people how they should behave. We are told, for example, that the government has no right to enact or enforce laws that affect a person’s private sexual conduct. And schools should not be allowed to teach principles to guide sexual behavior.
Even many Christians may say, “I guess that’s right. Whatever someone wants to do in private is their business and not mine. After all, they’ll suffer the consequences, not me, right?” Wrong!
If sex is merely a private act behind closed doors, why does the government annually pay large sums of money for abortions? If sex is a private act behind closed doors, why did a former Surgeon General advocate the use of public funds for sex education in all our schools beginning at the third grade? If sex is a private act behind closed doors, why is the U.S. government spending so much money on AIDS research? Why does the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention spend so much of its time, at taxpayer expense, on sexually transmitted diseases?
Ironically, many groups that pressure for public funding of abortions and for public care for victims of STD’s also defend their absolute right to have unlimited sexual freedom behind closed doors. Their position is a gross philosophical contradiction.
Even many Christians may say, “I guess that’s right. Whatever someone wants to do in private is their business and not mine. After all, they’ll suffer the consequences, not me, right?” Wrong!
If sex is merely a private act behind closed doors, why does the government annually pay large sums of money for abortions? If sex is a private act behind closed doors, why did a former Surgeon General advocate the use of public funds for sex education in all our schools beginning at the third grade? If sex is a private act behind closed doors, why is the U.S. government spending so much money on AIDS research? Why does the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention spend so much of its time, at taxpayer expense, on sexually transmitted diseases?
Ironically, many groups that pressure for public funding of abortions and for public care for victims of STD’s also defend their absolute right to have unlimited sexual freedom behind closed doors. Their position is a gross philosophical contradiction.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
God is Waiting for You
When scientists grew bold enough to declare that what they could observe and test was all that could exist, the supernatural was demoted to the level of superstition. The attitude was that those poor people back then didn’t know any better. But we now stand in a position to pass judgment on their beliefs. This attitude is not unique to our own age. Every age tends to think its own viewpoint is superior to those of the past.
While we agree that viewpoints do skew objectivity and admit that we all have them, the universe presents to us truths so monolithic that they tower above all viewpoints. Perhaps we can’t pull our feet completely out of the mire of modernism’s overconfidence in empiricism, but we can see truths looming above us much larger than reason can comprehend. The fog of postmodernism may blur our sight, but no fog can completely obscure the firm outlines of the ultimate absolute.
There it is. The ultimate absolute is also your personal absolute. Incredible as it may seem, the God of the universe loves you personally and desperately, and He wants to win you to Himself. He wants a relationship with you. That relationship will fulfill you completely and bring to your life certainty, meaning and joy beyond imagining. He is not only the absolute for the universe. He is also the absolute for your life and happiness. He is waiting for you to invite him in.
While we agree that viewpoints do skew objectivity and admit that we all have them, the universe presents to us truths so monolithic that they tower above all viewpoints. Perhaps we can’t pull our feet completely out of the mire of modernism’s overconfidence in empiricism, but we can see truths looming above us much larger than reason can comprehend. The fog of postmodernism may blur our sight, but no fog can completely obscure the firm outlines of the ultimate absolute.
There it is. The ultimate absolute is also your personal absolute. Incredible as it may seem, the God of the universe loves you personally and desperately, and He wants to win you to Himself. He wants a relationship with you. That relationship will fulfill you completely and bring to your life certainty, meaning and joy beyond imagining. He is not only the absolute for the universe. He is also the absolute for your life and happiness. He is waiting for you to invite him in.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Don’t Wait
The claim that a supernatural God invaded nature, died and rose again is astounding, but we have more reasons for believing it than not. We must not make the mistake of waiting for all the pieces to fall into place before we allow belief to kick in. Our perspective is too limited to encompass the whole truth. We will always wrestle with troubling questions about God, such as the existence of pain, the concept of hell or apparent conflicts in the Bible.
These questions have excellent and helpful answers available to the person who seeks them. But often our objections to God assume that He should think just as we do and should have set up the world just as we think it ought to be. When we encounter a world that differs from our own ideal, we make the outlandish presumption that we have the right to banish the creator of such a world to nonexistence. The only rational stance is to allow perplexing peripheral questions to be absorbed by our rational faith in the larger truth. God is. He defines reality. He gave Christ to die for me. He loves me.
These questions have excellent and helpful answers available to the person who seeks them. But often our objections to God assume that He should think just as we do and should have set up the world just as we think it ought to be. When we encounter a world that differs from our own ideal, we make the outlandish presumption that we have the right to banish the creator of such a world to nonexistence. The only rational stance is to allow perplexing peripheral questions to be absorbed by our rational faith in the larger truth. God is. He defines reality. He gave Christ to die for me. He loves me.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The Certainty of God’s Love
It is not surprising that minds steeped in rationalism want to reject the reality of God’s relentless, unconditional love. A supernatural creator of the galaxies who took on a human body and was raised from the dead tends to make twenty-first-century sophisticates squirm. To them it appears to be just another of many ancient myths and legends telling of dying gods and human sacrifices to woo or appease alienated deities.
This resemblance of the Christ story to ancient myths is actually a strong indication of its truth. People have always sensed the gravity of their alienation to whatever gods they worshiped and dimly realized that only the sacrifice of a god or an extraordinary human could bring about reconciliation. All such myths were prefiguring shadows that recognized the dilemma and anticipated the solution.
Why should the Christian story alone be true out of all the similar myths that precede it? The events occurred at a specific time and place and were corroborated as accurate by historians with no stake in the story’s veracity. Furthermore, the coming of Christ and hundreds of the events in His life were predicted in writing—even down to such details as the time and place—long before they occurred.
This resemblance of the Christ story to ancient myths is actually a strong indication of its truth. People have always sensed the gravity of their alienation to whatever gods they worshiped and dimly realized that only the sacrifice of a god or an extraordinary human could bring about reconciliation. All such myths were prefiguring shadows that recognized the dilemma and anticipated the solution.
Why should the Christian story alone be true out of all the similar myths that precede it? The events occurred at a specific time and place and were corroborated as accurate by historians with no stake in the story’s veracity. Furthermore, the coming of Christ and hundreds of the events in His life were predicted in writing—even down to such details as the time and place—long before they occurred.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Beyond Intellect
Given the Fall (see blog #80) and its consequences, we can see why God is now harder to find. But we can also see that it is not God’s doing. We are too caught up in ourselves, but that relentless love of His does not leave us solely to our own feeble devices. He pursues us, silently nudging events and manipulating circumstances to prod us toward Him. He is at all times as near as our next breath, ready at our invitation to enter our lives and fill the emptiness in our hearts.
Reason helps us to find God intellectually and gives us a rational foundation for faith, but reason is not where we actually experience God. The rational mind affirms God’s existence and then passes the torch to the heart. The heart is where we experience life’s fullness and enjoy all that gives it meaning—beauty, joy, relationships and love. The human heart can find peace only when the God who loves us dearly returns to it and fills it with His love.
A searching agnostic once said to me that while his mind was in a muddle sifting through all the arguments for and against God, he was strongly drawn to the person of Jesus presented in the Bible. He said the possibility that there is someone out there who loves him unconditionally had such a strong appeal to him that he could not let go of the idea. Inherent in truth is a power that can reach beyond the intellect and touch the human heart directly.
Reason helps us to find God intellectually and gives us a rational foundation for faith, but reason is not where we actually experience God. The rational mind affirms God’s existence and then passes the torch to the heart. The heart is where we experience life’s fullness and enjoy all that gives it meaning—beauty, joy, relationships and love. The human heart can find peace only when the God who loves us dearly returns to it and fills it with His love.
A searching agnostic once said to me that while his mind was in a muddle sifting through all the arguments for and against God, he was strongly drawn to the person of Jesus presented in the Bible. He said the possibility that there is someone out there who loves him unconditionally had such a strong appeal to him that he could not let go of the idea. Inherent in truth is a power that can reach beyond the intellect and touch the human heart directly.
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