Reactions to Unplanned Pregnancy

At first, Stephanie's dad was disgusted and angry at her unplanned pregnancy and her brother's “holier-than-thou” response made her feel like a tramp. Stephanie prayed that God would help her mend those relationships, which were very important to her.

Brent, the baby's father, didn’t believe the news until Stephanie gave him the number at the clinic, saying he could call Monday and talk to the doctor himself. Then he seemed so rattled that he didn’t know what to say. Stephanie encouraged him to talk to his parents and call her in a few days.

For the last several minutes before falling asleep, Stephanie placed her hands on her tummy. She imagined what her baby looked like now and what it would look like at birth. Was it a boy or a girl? Would it look more like her or like Brent? Would this baby have a better opportunity for a happy, fulfilling life in the home of adoptive parents, or should she take responsibility for it no matter what the cost to her? Question after question came to her, but there were no answers.

Stephanie’s last thought of the day was a peaceful one. She was not alone in her difficult and painful circumstances. Thanks to her youth leader, Jenny, her best friend, Kate, and an understanding mother, she knew she was on the right track.

What About School?

Jenny, Stephanie and Claire talked for almost an hour about many of the implications of Stephanie’s pregnancy. She expressed her desire to at least start classes for the fall term. Jenny suggested that Claire and Stephanie discuss the issue with the school officials on Monday. They debated how it would be best for Stephanie to tell her father and brother about the pregnancy. They finally decided that a phone call later in the day would be sufficient. Stephanie said she would also call Brent that evening, asking her mother to be with her when she did.

They spent a little time comparing the advantages and disadvantages of single parenthood and adoption. The discussion turned to Stephanie’s goals for education and career and how these goals would be impacted by each option. Just before leaving, Jenny led a prayer for God’s wisdom and guidance as Stephanie and Claire continued to sort through the options and implications of the pregnancy.

I Won't Have an Abortion

Jenny said, “Claire, Stephanie and I have spent some time talking about the many implications of her pregnancy on her life and yours. She will need some time and your support to make all the necessary decisions. But we thought it would be good for her to share with you what she is thinking so far.” Then she nodded to Stephanie.

“First, I want you to know that I will not have an abortion,” she stated firmly. “It’s wrong, and I won’t do it.” “I’m relieved to hear you say that, honey,” Claire said. “And I know God is pleased with your decision.” Stephanie went on. “And I’m not planning to marry Brent, at least not now. We’re not in love. But I hope you will help me talk to him and his family when the time comes.” “Of course I will,” Claire assured her.

“Stephanie, what are your plans for the baby?” her mother asked. “I don’t know yet,” she answered. “I hope you will talk with me and pray with me about whether I should keep the baby or consider adoption. I know it will be the most difficult decision of my life so far. I want to take my time and be sure.” Claire nodded her agreement. “Thank you for including me. That means a lot to me.”

Mom...I'm Pregnant

Stephanie felt terrible that she was about to tell her mother that she's pregnant. Jenny had said that her parents would probably experience many of the same emotions she was struggling through-- confusion, fear, guilt, shame, anger. “Just like you,” Jenny had said as she drove Stephanie home, “your parents need time to adjust to the news of your pregnancy and its implications on their lives.”

“Jenny and I need to talk to you about something, Mom,” Stephanie said. “Can we sit down for a few minutes?” After drawing a deep breath Stephanie said, “I found out yesterday…that I’m…pregnant.” Claire’s face clouded with disbelief. “You…you’re pregnant? Stephanie, why…how….?” Stephanie summarized her encounter with Brent in June and the results of the pregnancy test the previous afternoon. Her mother listened in stunned silence.

“Mom, I am so sorry to disappoint you like this,” as tears trickled down her cheeks. “I never wanted this to happen. I made a terrible mistake. With Jenny’s help, I have confessed my sin to God. But I know what I have done will be an embarrassment and an extra burden to you. I apologize and ask you to forgive me.” Claire began to weep. “Of course I forgive you, Stephanie,” she said. “I am shocked and disappointed and hurt, but I forgive you.” Mother and daughter embraced, held each other, and cried together.

I Got Pregnant the First Time!

“Are you sure Brent is the father?” Jenny asked Stephanie. Stephanie forced a humorless laugh. “The only time in my life I have sex--unprotected or otherwise--and I got pregnant. Yes, Brent is definitely the father.”

Stephanie, Jenny, and Kate spent an hour talking through the many choices Stephanie would have to make regarding her baby’s future. Kate and Jenny promised to be available to help her in any way they could: take her to medical appointments, make arrangements for finishing school after the baby comes, or talk to adoption agencies if she chose to let someone else raise the baby.

Then Jenny helped Stephanie think through what she would say when they sat down with her mother later in the day to break the news. Finally, they joined hands in prayer. Kate and Jenny asked God to fill Stephanie with His wisdom and perseverance through the months ahead and to help her with the immediate tasks of talking to her mother, father, brother, and Brent and his family.

Questions that Need Answers

Jenny, a church youth leader, is helping Stephanie to prepare to tell her mother that she’s pregnant. After Stephanie stated that abortion was not a consideration, Jenny moved on to her next question. “Do you love Brent? Do you want to marry him?” Stephanie frowned. “I don’t think I love Brent at all. I hardly know him. Our relationship was childish and selfish I suppose--nothing to build a marriage on. Besides, he lives out West, and I live here. We don’t have anything in common…except this.” She touched her abdomen, which was beginning to make room for the fetus within.

“Would you consider raising the child yourself as a single parent?” Jenny asked. “I don’t know,” Stephanie said, searching the ceiling in thought. “I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and there are many things about having a child that appeal to me. But I haven’t even finished high school yet. I don’t have a job, and it’s not fair to ask Mom to support us both. I also wonder if being raised by a working mom is really the best thing for my child. I need to think about that more.”

Jenny continued, “How would you feel about Brent or his parents raising your child, if they wanted to do so?” Stephanie frowned again. “I don’t even know his parents. If I gave the child up, I would want to make sure it would go to an excellent home.” “So you’ve already thought about adoption?” Kate interjected. After a sigh, Stephanie said, “I know that it’s an option, but I need to learn more about it. But whatever I decide, I think Brent should have a vote.”

Is Abortion the Easy Answer?

“Now I realize why so many girls get abortions,” said Stephanie. “On the surface it seems like the easy answer to all my problems. It’s scary how attractive abortion has appeared to me, especially in the last month.”

Kate sounded alarmed. “Stephanie, you’re not really thinking...?” “No, not at all,” Stephanie cut in firmly. “I know abortion is wrong. I’m not going to make my mistake worse by disobeying God again. Besides, there is a living person inside me, and I am committed to loving both God and people. Abortion would not be the loving way to treat this little person.”

“I admire your commitment to loving and obeying God, Stephanie,” Jenny said, “even though it’s not the easy way out.” “Me too,” Kate chimed in. “But I would like you to make me a promise, Stephanie,” Jenny added. “You may be pressured by Brent or his family or some of his relatives and friends to get an abortion. If you are ever tempted to take the easy way out, I want you to call me--any time, night or day. Will you promise to do that?” “Yes, I will,” Stephanie answered with conviction. “Thanks for being willing to hold me accountable.” To be continued.

Let's Talk

Stephanie slept better than she had expected to after telling Kate and Jenny about getting pregnant. Just being with them seemed to lift some of the weight from her. After a breakfast, Jenny, Stephanie, and Kate moved into the family room with cups of hot tea. It was a conversation Stephanie wished she could avoid.

“It’s very important to tell your mother about your pregnancy right away, Stephanie,” Jenny began. Stephanie winced. “I know, but she will be really disappointed. It’s been so hard on her since Dad left.” “Would you like me to go with you when you tell her?” Jenny offered. Stephanie released a sigh of relief. “I was hoping you would. Thanks.”

Jenny paused briefly to gather her thoughts then said, “Well, I want to ask you several questions on some topics you are probably already thinking about. You don’t have to make these decisions today. But it’s important that you have an idea what you’re going to do before we talk to your mother.” “All right,” Stephanie replied.

Jenny’s tone was serious. “First, are you in any way considering an abortion?” The question did not take Stephanie by surprise. “If you had asked me that question six months ago, I would have said, ‘No way, never in a million years.’ Even before I became a Christian I was dead-set against abortion. But I wasn’t pregnant then."

Take Time to Pray

Stephanie prayed, “God, I have sinned. I realize that I have disobeyed You and hurt You. My pregnancy is a result of my disobedience. It’s hard to accept, but I also know that You love me. You sent Your Son to die for my sins. So I ask You to forgive me right now and take control of my life from this moment on.”

After several minutes of prayer and comforting words, Jenny said, “You know you have some decisions to make, Stephanie. But I don’t think tonight is the best time. We’re all pretty emotionally drained. I suggest that we eat dinner, watch a video or two, and just be together. Would that be okay with both of you?” Stephanie agreed quickly. “My brain is frazzled. I can’t even think straight. Tomorrow would be much better.” Kate nodded.

Then Stephanie said, “I just want to say that you two are incredible. It means so much to me to have you here with me right now. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” “We love you, Steph,” Kate said. “That’s what friends are for.”

My Life Is Ruined

“My life is ruined. I don’t know if I can finish high school, let alone go to college,” Stephanie moaned sadly. “And I’m so ashamed. How can I face my friends at school? And how can I tell them I’m a Christian after what I’ve done?” Jenny rubbed her back gently. “I’m so sorry for you, Stephanie. But Kate and I are here for you.”

“Worst of all, I have committed a terrible sin,” Stephanie said in a quavering voice. “Premarital sex is against the Bible. It’s something I promised God I would never do. I know He is disappointed with me. Kate and I committed that we would both be virgins when we married. I failed God and my best friend. I feel so worthless.”

After a few minutes, Jenny encouraged Stephanie to bring her feelings and guilt to God while she and Kate prayed with her silently. Stephanie prayed, “God, You know what I’m feeling before I even tell You, but I need to say that I’m feeling so ashamed right now. I wish I could turn back the clock and change what I did. But I can’t. I also wish these awful feeling would go away, but I can’t stop feeling them.”

Jenny prayed next. “Dear Lord, there’s no way I can really know what Stephanie’s going through, but it hurts to see her feeling so much pain. Help her to know that You haven’t stopped loving her, that You are willing to carry her sorrow and ease her pain. Comfort her with Your love.”

I Want to Run Away

“I can’t tell Jenny about being pregnant, she's a youth group leader,” Stephanie said in despair to her friend. “I can hardly bear the thought of telling my mom. I don’t want anybody at church to know I'm pregnant.

Stephanie felt lost. After several seconds she said, “I don’t know what to do, Kate. I’m not in love with Brent, but maybe someday I could be. I don’t know what to do about telling my mom. And I don’t know what to do about this baby. I just want to run away and hide.”

“I love you, Stephanie, and I can’t let you do that,” Kate said firmly. “We will get through this like we get through everything else: together. But we can’t do it alone. We need to call Jenny. She’ll know what to do, and she won’t blab to anyone.” Stephanie nodded her head. She knew her friend was right, but she felt so embarrassed.

Kate quickly arranged for the three of them to get together later that night. They picked up a pizza and took it to Jenny’s house for an evening of “girl talk” and a sleepover. As they sat down around the pizza box, Jenny eyed the sad face across the table and asked, “Is everything okay with you?” During a torrent of tears, Stephanie’s story of pregnancy tumbled out. “It’s OK, Stephanie,” Jenny said, “let it all out.” The hesitancy Stephanie had felt about telling Jenny quickly melted in the warmth of her comforting embrace and sympathetic tears.

Should I Tell Him I'm Pregnant?

The whole week at the West Coast was unreal,” said Stephanie, “like being in a movie or something. I kept telling myself that what I did back there didn’t count. I came home wishing I hadn’t been with Brent and trying to brush the whole thing out of my mind. I didn’t tell you anything because I guess I didn’t want to admit there was anything to tell. Then I missed a period and started feeling sick in the morning. When I missed my second period, I knew I had to find out for sure. I put it off until today. I might have been able to keep denying it, except the test proves I’m pregnant.”

The girls were silent for several seconds. Finally, Kate said, “Do you think you should tell Brent?” Stephanie looked away, misty-eyed. “I don’t know what to think, Kate,” she said, sighing heavily. “My whole life just changed two hours ago. I’m so embarrassed and ashamed. I feel so dirty. All the plans we had for our senior year….” Her words trailed off to a sad whimper. “I don’t know what to do.”

Kate straightened up. “I know somebody who can help. We need to go see Jenny.” Jenny Shaw and her husband were volunteer youth leaders at the church Kate and Stephanie attended. Jenny had discipled each girl individually for several weeks after they trusted Christ. A jolt went through Stephanie as she considered telling Jenny about her unwanted pregnancy.