We Didn't Stop

“Oh, Stephanie,” Kate whimpered, tearing up at her friend's unwanted pregnancy, “it’s okay. I’m here. We’ll get through this together.” After a couple of minutes, they were again facing each other, seated on the floor. Kate continued to hold Stephanie’s hand. “Does your mom know you're pregnant?” Kate asked, dabbing her eyes. Stephanie slowly shook her head. “She doesn’t know. Nobody knows except me and you, and the doctor at the clinic.”

Another minute passed in silence, except for an occasional sniffle. Stephanie drank in the comfort of her friend being there for her. She appreciated the fact that Kate was not bugging her with the inevitable questions: who, when, and how? But she realized that Kate deserved to know the answers.

Stephanie spoke softly. “Remember when Mom and I flew to the West Coast for my grandmother’s funeral the first of June?” “Yes. You were gone a whole week.” Stephanie nodded. “Well, there’s this guy back there--Brent. As a kid, I saw him every summer when we went to my dad’s parents for vacation. We played together and had crushes on each other--just kid stuff. That was a long time ago. Then I saw him in June, I couldn’t believe it. He was so different, so grown up. By the end of the week I was spending most of my time with him and one thing led to another, and that Friday night we…didn’t stop.

I'm Pregnant

Stephanie felt Kate’s eyes staring at her intently. “What’s going on Stephanie?” Kate probed with loving sisterly insistence. When Stephanie finally looked up, her chin was trembling and tears flooded her eyes. “Kate, I’m pregnant.” Then the dam burst and Stephanie could say no more. Burying her face in her hands, she sobbed in anguish.

“Stephanie, no!” Kate shrieked in disbelief. For a full minute, Stephanie cried hard, and Kate just held her and let her own tears flow.

As the crying subsided, Kate was in Stephanie’s face. “What happened? Did you miss a period? Some girls miss periods and they’re not pregnant, Steph. Maybe it’s something else. You can’t be sure.” It was another half minute before Stephanie could respond. Wiping her eyes and nose with the tissues Kate provided, she said, “I’m sure. I went to the doctor today – a clinic across town. I already missed two periods. The flu I told you about – that I told myself was the flu – was morning sickness. I’m almost three months pregnant.” Another wave of tears choked off her words.

We Have to Talk

Stephanie peeked through the vertical blinds, watching her mother’s car pull away until it disappeared around the corner. Her best friend Kate was sitting cross-legged on the living-room floor studying the entertainment section of the newspaper. Stephanie and Kate, both seventeen, had been best friends for seven years. Summer vacation was nearly over for the two girls and their senior year was about to start. Avoiding eye contact she said, “We have to talk.”

Those four words were among the most serious spoken between the two friends. Both knew that the topic to follow was important. They had used the phrase only a few times. Once had been during their sophomore year for Kate to announce that she trusted Christ as her Savior. Stephanie was so impressed with the change in her friend that she began attending church with her and trusted Christ two months later. Kate didn't know what was happening but she knew it had to be important. To be continued.

Protect and Provide

After two months of dating, it’s too soon to tell if a relationship will develop into a marriage commitment. Many other factors come into play over the next months and years, particularly God’s leading in your college and career decisions. But you can turn a corner in the relationship by accepting the challenge to protect and provide for the other person as long as you are together. This is a no-lose situation for both of you. If you end up getting married in the future, you will begin your life together on the solid foundation of protecting and providing for each other, which is God’s kind of love. If you should eventually go your separate ways, you can part with no regrets, having contributed to each other’s health, happiness and spiritual growth.

You may not be certain about the future with your special friend but the prospects for your relationship will be bright and positive if you focus on the true love of protecting and providing for one another.

A Conscious Decision

God's definition of true love is to protect and provide for another person. This means consciously making the other person's happiness, health and spiritual growth as important to you as your own. The following guidelines will help you integrate this definition into your experience with that special person in your life:

• Put Jesus Christ first in your relationship.
• Be open and honest with each other.
• Accept each other completely, including faults and failures.
• Seek your parents’ approval for your relationship.
• Avoid any setting or activity that may tempt you to compromise your commitment to sexual purity.
• Handle disagreements quickly and lovingly.
• Emphasize the “friend” in boyfriend and girlfriend.

Encouraging or Discouraging

True love will not insist on an “exclusive” friendship. Some students become very possessive of a boyfriend or girlfriend’s time and attention. It may seem flattering at first, but it is rooted in distrust and insecurity. Instead of protecting and providing for the other person, this approach restricts and stifles a person’s happiness, health and spiritual growth. True love encourages healthy interaction with others.

True love will not do anything to damage the happiness, health and spiritual growth of another person. So how do you know when you have found true love? You know love is real when you make the happiness, health, and spiritual growth of your boyfriend or girlfriend as important to you as your own. That’s what it means to protect and provide for someone you love.

Don't Take Advantage or Pressure

True love does not take advantage of another person. Using someone in a “love” relationship for your own emotional, physical, or sexual gratification violates love’s guideline of protecting and providing. Taking for your own pleasure does not contribute to the happiness, health, and spiritual growth of another person.

True love will not pressure another person into having sex. There is tremendous pressure in our culture for students to become sexually active, even in casual dating relationships. Today’s movies, music, and media treat premarital sex as normal and expected. But sex outside God’s plan for intimacy in marriage most likely will leave mental, emotional, and spiritual scars. True love protects a person from such guilt and pain, and it provides for a secure, nurturing relationship by saying no to premarital sex.

Love Is … Support and Encouragement

True love meets the need for support. You provide support when you attempt to lighten your friend’s load in practical, helpful ways. Acts of support fulfill Paul’s instruction in Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Look for opportunities to perform a number of helpful tasks that will help ease their burden. You express biblical love to your special friend whenever you serve him or her in practical, helpful ways.

Everybody needs encouragement in life, and true love looks for ways to meet that need. We encourage others whenever we do or say something thoughtful to lift their spirits. For example, sending a special card with encouraging words is a simple way of expressing encouragement. You can supply encouragement to others in many practical ways, such as notes, emails, or phone calls. Encouragement is communicated when you focus your words and attention on your special friend and any struggles he or she is going through.

True Love Is … Comfort

What does true love look like in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship? It has the same basic elements as love expressed in any other relationship, though the elements of affection and time commitment may be greater in this special relationship. Here are a few examples:

True love seeks to meet needs for comfort. Everybody needs comfort, support, and encouragement, especially during the inevitable times of pain and discouragement in life. Comfort is not a “pep talk” urging another person to hang in there, tough it out, or hold it together. Comfort is not an attempt to explain why bad things happen to people. Comfort is not a bunch of positive words about God being in control and everything being okay. All of these things may be good and useful in time, but they do not fill the primary need for comfort.

People receive comfort when we feel their hurt and sorrow with them, so they
know they are not suffering alone. Paul instructed us. “Rejoice with those who
rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Try offering a gentle touch, a tender embrace, or providing a shoulder to cry on. When your special friend is hurting for some reason, share words like, “I know it hurts,” or “I really hurt for you.” Save your words of advice or admonitions from Scripture for a time after you have shared your friend’s feelings. That’s biblical comfort. To be continued.