Purity Vow Almost Broken

Doug Shaw and his wife, Jenny, were the volunteer youth sponsors at the
church Luke attended. Doug and Luke had just come from a Saturday morning
planning breakfast for student leaders in the high school ministry. They tried to get to the batting cages once or twice a month together.

After they had worked up a sweat taking swings in the batting cage, Doug and Luke sat down at a nearby picnic table to talk. Eventually, Doug commented, “Traci seems like a nice girl – very sharp upstairs, very sweet.” Luke nodded, “Traci is really special,” but he said it without much expression. Doug evaluated the response. “Is everything all right, I mean with you and Traci?” Luke blew out a long sigh. “Well, I’m not sure how it’s going with Traci and me. Speaking softly and haltingly, he told about taking Traci to the planetarium last weekend. Omitting the embarrassing details, he summarized how close he came to breaking his vow of sexual purity. He admitted that he was wrong to take advantage of Traci as he did. By the time he finished his story, Luke seemed on the verge of crying. To be continued.

It Must Be True Love

Luke stopped the car in front of Traci’s house and, as always hurried around
to her side to open the door. As soon as she stepped out, she was face to face with
him in the cool night air. “Traci, I’m…I’m sorry about tonight,” Luke stammered. “I mean…I just…felt so close to you….” His voice trailed off, and Traci knew he was having trouble saying what he meant.

“It’s all right, Luke,” she said reassuringly. “You’re so sweet, I know you didn’t mean to do anything wrong. I’m glad we stopped. Thank you.” After several silent seconds he said, “Is it okay if I call you tomorrow?” Traci smiled. “I was hoping you would.”

After being kissed lightly on the cheek, Traci went inside. Standing at the
window, she watched Luke drive away. Even tonight he was the perfect gentleman,
she thought dreamily, apologizing for his passionate advance, asking permission to
call me. I forgave him, and I can’t wait to talk to him tomorrow. Luke and I have
something very special. It must be…true love.

Our First Kiss

Luke treated Traci like a princess. Their first date had been a picnic by the lake with Luke fixing the lunch and providing soft music on his iPod. He took her to movies - the romantic kind she liked instead of car-exploding, gun-blazing guy movies. He took her to a play at the performing arts center. They took long walks together downtown and out in the country. They laughed and sang together and even prayed together. On their third date Luke had kissed Traci for the first time, and she’d stayed awake half the night thinking how special she felt to be his
girlfriend.

Luke was ever the perfect gentleman – a real-life Prince Charming. He bought flowers for her. He opened doors for her and seated her at tables. He called. He sent her cards and notes. They kissed and embraced often and held hands most of the time they were together. But Luke had never emphasized the physical side of their relationship – until tonight.

Does He Like Me?

Traci encountered Luke several times that afternoon on the ski slopes. He was a
good skier and she was not, so he offered a few helpful pointers, without embarrassing her for her limited ability and experience. Luke happened along a few times when Traci fell, helping her up and making sure she was not hurt. And that afternoon in the lodge, he appeared with a cup of steaming hot chocolate as she sat by the fire drying her socks and warming her feet. She was bothered that the strange numbness in her hands had flared up again, but she didn’t mention it to Luke. They talked for more than an hour, time Luke could have spent skiing. He was so kind, so sweet, so polite, so helpful. She could not believe he was paying attention to her when practically any girl on the mountain would have jumped at the chance to be with him.

Preparing for the Saturday night bus ride home, Traci arranged to leave the
seat next to her empty, hoping Luke would sit there when he was finished with the
announcements and prayer. He did, and Traci was secretly ecstatic. They talked for
three hours while most of the kids on the bus slept. They shared with each other
how they came to Christ, their dreams for the future, their favorite foods, movies,
and music. Traci couldn’t believe how much they had in common. Just before they
pulled into the church parking lot, Luke asked her out for the next weekend. She
accepted immediately, intent on canceling anything on her calendar that might keep
her from being with Luke.

The First Time I Saw Him

Traci remembered the first time she met Luke – at a weekend ski retreat for the high school group from the church he attended. Traci, who went to a much smaller
church across town, signed up at the invitation of a friend who attended Luke’s church. Traci had noticed Luke as soon as she’d arrived at the church. He was a leader in the high school group, welcoming students and handing out bus and cabin assignments.
Luke was nice to everyone and working hard to get the retreat off to a positive start. And he was too cute for words!

Traci was quietly elated when Luke ended up on her bus, sitting only a couple
of rows away. During the three-hour drive up the mountain, Traci’s attention was
divided between chatting with her friends, and secretly watching Luke. Traci admired from a distance his wit and humor, and she was impressed with his respect for the adult leaders and his ability to help everyone have a good time. He also led their busload of students in prayer during the retreat. This was a quality Christian guy, Traci realized, and she wanted to get to know him better.

The weekend afforded so many “unplanned” opportunities to get acquainted
that Traci suspected Luke may have noticed her too. He and his friend showed up at her breakfast table Saturday morning. Luke asked a lot of questions: “How did you find out about our church and the retreat? What is your church like? How long have you been a Christian? How long have you been skiing? What do you plan to do after high school?”

He asked questions about her instead of bragging about himself or trying to impress her with his macho accomplishments. He was courteous, and he actually had table manners. Before that weekend, Traci had never before met an eighteen-year-old boy she considered a gentleman. She ate her breakfast slowly because she did not want their first conversation to end.

Anything to Please Him

Forgive me, God, for compromising my standards, Traci prayed silently as Luke drove her home. She was ashamed of her behavior, seemingly on the verge of breaking her vow of purity to God. Traci had never intended to go all the way with Luke or any other boy before marriage. But she had been swept away by her emotions tonight. The romantic dinner, the candles, the stars, Luke’s eagerness to make her feel special – everything seemed so right. He had been so sweet and affectionate to her, she would have done anything to please him.

Then, for some reason, Luke stopped before it was too late. Traci was very relieved, but she was also a little disappointed. He was so abrupt that she wondered now if she had done something wrong. Did he stop because I was too willing? Was I not willing enough? Did I do something that turned him off? Was he disappointed because I didn’t measure up to other girls he has been with? These questions nagged at Traci during the silent ride home. She hoped this would not be their last time together; she did not want to lose this great guy. Traci thought back to when they first met.

I Must Be In Love

After the planetarium show, Luke and Traci returned to the car and resumed their romantic cuddling, Luke could hardly keep himself under control. As a Christian, he understood the importance of sexual purity. He had promised God at youth camp three years before that he would remain a virgin until he was married, and he had kept his promise through high school. But his vow had never really been tested until he’d met Traci two months earlier. His feelings for her were so strong, not like anything he had felt for other girls. It was a hunger that just seemed to grow more intense with every date.

Swept up in the emotion of the moment, Luke smothered Traci with kisses.
Yielding to the urgency he sensed, he touched and caressed her in ways he never
had before. Traci seemed so willing, so receptive to the affection Luke yearned to
shower on her. It took all the willpower he could muster to stop before breaking his
promise to God. “We had better get home,” he said, pulling away from her
reluctantly. “Yeah, I guess so,” Traci said timidly.

They drove home in silence. Luke felt embarrassed for being so bold in his
physical approach to Traci, but he seemed almost driven. Why did he feel more
strongly toward Traci than any other girl he’d dated? Why did he feel so compelled to
have sex with her? As he drove down the hill toward the city, the thought occurred
to him for the first time: My desire for Traci is so strong, I must really be in love with
her.

It's Worth It

This had been an expensive evening for Luke. Traci loved romantic dates, so
he had treated her to a candlelight dinner at an expensive French restaurant in town.
Since it was kind of a dressy evening, he’d also had to spring for a nice shirt and tie.
And the planetarium show at the observatory would cost him another huge chunk of
change. As a high school senior with a part-time job, Luke could hardly afford such
a costly date.

But when he picked up Traci at her house, he knew the expense was worthwhile. She looked more like a movie star than a high-school junior in a dress that accentuated her drop-dead figure. She was worth every minute of overtime he would put in next week to replenish his wallet.

“I can’t believe I have lived in town almost a year now and have never been to the planetarium” Traci said, gently caressing Luke’s upper leg. “The stars are so romantic.” Luke smiled to himself. As long as Traci felt romantic, he was sure to have a good time. Luke wrapped his arm around Traci as they hurried from the parking lot to the planetarium theater. There were at least two hundred people watching the program, Luke figured, but he noticed no one but Traci. She seemed to enjoy the presentation, and Luke enjoyed being close to her, relishing the softness of her hand in his. Encouraged by her closeness, he stole an occasional kiss in the darkness, and Traci responded warmly.

Is It Love?

Luke eased up on the accelerator a little, even though he was secretly anxious to get
to the top of the hill. But he slowed the car because his girlfriend, Traci, seated next
to him, was enjoying the night view of the city on the gently winding road to the
planetarium. And Luke wanted Traci to enjoy the evening, because he knew she
would make the date more enjoyable for him later if she was happy.

“Look at this, Traci.” Luke motioned to the city lights sparkling out his side
window. Just as he hoped, Traci leaned toward him with her right hand resting gently on his thigh, taking in the view. The subtle, sweet fragrance of her hair and skin was delicious. The surge of pleasure tempted him to divert his concentration from the road, but he didn’t want a careless accident to spoil this perfect evening.

“It’s beautiful, Luke,” Traci sang. Her warm breath brushed his ear, giving him a chill of excitement. “You’re so sweet to bring me up here on such a beautiful night.” Then she nuzzled him on the cheek with her nose, concluding with a soft peck of a kiss before settling back in her seat. Luke could feel his heartbeat quicken at her closeness. Traci always sparked the greatest feelings in him. He couldn’t get enough of her – her looks, her smell, and especially her touch. He was almost sure she felt the same way about him.

A Summary of God's Will

Be conformed to the universal will of God. Make it your goal to obey God's revealed will concerning salvation—living in the Spirit, sharing your faith, obeying your parents, remaining sexually pure, and so on. Use the 4C Process regarding God's universal will: CHOICE (right or wrong), COMPARE (the precepts, principles and the person of God) , COMMIT (to God's ways, not yours), and COUNT (on God's provision and protection). See earlier blogs.

Be informed about the specific will of God. Submit every decision to the four step process of seeking God's will in the Bible, seeking God's will through prayer, seek God's will through the counsel of others, and seek God's will through your circumstances. See earlier blogs.

Do what you want. Live with confidence that God will give you the desires of your heart as long as your number one desire is to serve Him. Cultivate a daily walk of faith, believing that if your desires are not God's will, He will let you know.

Don't worry about the future. God is sovereign and your future is in His hands, so don't worry about college, marriage, your career, or anything else. Simply say daily, "Lord, I want to do what You want." Then it is up to Him to work in you to accomplish His will and fulfill your desires.

Do What You Want (continued)

Seeking God's will is done most effectively through a four step process. Seeking God's will in the Bible and seeking God's will in prayer have been discussed. Here are the remaining two:

Seek God's will in the counsel of others. God has placed wise, mature Christians in your life to help you discern God's specific will. Your parents, grandparents, other family members, your youth leader, your Sunday school teacher, and your minister may fill this role. Seeking the objective opinion of others may keep you from making an emotional decision on your own. Also, a mature believer can speak from a background of experiences you may not have.

Seek God's will in your circumstances. God often directs us through external circumstances that are seemingly beyond our control. For example, you may have a special aptitude for music and be offered a generous scholarship. But suppose you have no resources for college. Just because circumstances seem to be against you does not mean a music career is not in God's specific will for your life. Circumstances must be balanced by Scripture, prayer, and the wise counsel of others.

Let's assume that you are conforming your life to God's universal will (salvation, submission, life in the Spirit, etc.) and you have sought His specific will in Scripture, prayer, counsel, and circumstances. How do you decide what to do? Simply do what you want to do. Psalm 37:4 promises, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." You are free to follow the desires of your heart! And believe that if your desires are somehow not in God's will, He will make it clear to you.

Scripture and Prayer

"So once I am committed to following God's universal will," you may say, "how do I discover
God's specific will day by day?" Seeking His will is done most effectively through a four step process:

Seek God's will in the Bible. Knowing Scripture is basic to seeking and understanding God's will. For example, you don't have to wonder whether God wants you to marry an unbeliever, because 2 Corinthians 6:14 states, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" If your idea of God's specific will for you doesn't line up with Scripture, then it's your will, not God's.

Seek God's will in prayer. Jesus taught His disciples to pray, "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" (Matthew 6:9-10). God is not hiding His will from you; He is willing and able to give you the direction you seek. Ask Him for it daily and as often as you need to. To be continued.

Commit and Count

The 4C Process helps you make right moral choices in conformity with God's universal will. CHOICE and COMPARE have been discussed. The next two are:

C3. COMMIT to God's way. Once you have compared your selfish desires to God's absolute
standard, you must choose between your way and God's way. Nobody can do this for you. You must consciously turn from your selfish way and firmly commit to God's way.

C4. COUNT on God's protection and provision. When you admit God's sovereignty and submit to His loving authority, you can begin to count on His protection and provision. This doesn't mean everything will be rosy. In fact, God says pretty bluntly that you will suffer at times for choosing to live by His standard of righteousness. But living God's way brings many spiritual blessings, like freedom from guilt, a clear conscience, the joy of sharing Christ, and, most important, the blessing of God in your life. You may also enjoy many physical, emotional, psychological, and relational benefits when you commit to God's ways. While God's protection and provision should not be the primary motivation for obeying Him, it certainly provides powerful encouragement for choosing His will.